if only i could text you this smell
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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