all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
