the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
