So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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