billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
