I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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