Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
