hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
