I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
