Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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