I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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