that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
