mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
