so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
