i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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