please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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