Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
