OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
