my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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