oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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