This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are all done wearing pants today
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
