after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
