That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You took a bar mat shot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
