she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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