It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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