why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
