Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
