theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
