Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
