This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
