And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
