so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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