But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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