Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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