Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
