the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
