and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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