i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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