'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
