Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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