i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
