Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sext me about skeletons
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