I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
