If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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