i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your penis caused this!
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