So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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