U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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