idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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