I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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