final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
