Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
