I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you would pick up someone in the library
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
