The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
