evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
