Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
