wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Four minutes until I can fart!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
