Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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