u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
