Where is the hickey?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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