She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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