Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
