your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
