I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
