so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
